2026
On Monday 27 April 2026 I attended a consultation within the Urology Dept at my local hospital, with my assigned team doctor - I was required to be there by 09:10am - and it was all finished by 10:20am, leaving me to await my prescription within the hospital pharmacy for around 15 to 30 mins...
During such a consultation I had another finger-up-the-bum experience, in order for the consulting doctor to assess the size of my prostate...
We then discussed the results of my recent CT scan at Trafford General Hospital - during which I asked and was granted a look at the digitised output of such a CT scan via the computer monitor - which the new state-of-the-art CT scanner provided seemingly very detailed results/output indeed...
So anyway, such results showed that the cancer within my prostate had metastasised - which basically means it has spread to other parts of my body - including some of the bones seemingly...
So, before leaving, I was prescribed 21 very small 50mg white tablets of Bicalutamide - which, I was told could reduce the size of my prostate - great, thought I, as it may result in me having no further need of a catheter…
I was also given a 4-double-sided-page A4-sized document titled 'Transperineal Ultrasound-Guided Biopsies of the Prostate Gland' to take home with me - as well as being told that an appointment would be made at another hospital for such a biopsy to be undertaken - a term that basically means that perhaps multiple 'nibbles'/tissue-samples would be taken from my prostate...
Anyway, sometime after returning home I read the pertinent parts of such a document, which included a graphic of such a biopsy procedure...
Apparently, in most cases, such a biopsy is undertaken by local anaesthetic, and sometimes 'under a spinal or general anaesthetic in theatre' - with such a procedure requiring an ultrasound probe (10cm long, and as wide as a man's thumb) to be inserted in the rectum in order to guide the biopsy needle to the prostate in order to take samples from it - with the need for repeat proceedures if such biopsies prove themselves to be inconclusive (between 1 in 10 & 1 in 50 patients, apparently), or depending on the patients PSA level (with mine being an initial very high 576, and then coming down to a still very high 500 upon a second PSA test being undertaken some weeks later) …
Such a rather detailed document then explained that at the end of each biopsy appointment 'almost all patients' would experience 'blood in the urine for up to 10 days - and with a dressing being applied to the perineum, and held in place with a pair of disposable pants in at least some cases/instances - and that there would often be the occasional blood clot...
So what were the initial effects of reading such a detailed document, you may ask - well, firstly, I didn't at all fancy having a needle inserted into such a sensitive part of my body in order to take perhaps multiple nibbles out of my prostate - and secondly, I most definitely didn't welcome the thoughts of possibly having to go to A & E on multiple occasions in order to have blockages within my catheter removed...
So, anyway, moving on - I awoke at 2am the following morning absolutely dreading the thought of such a biopsy procedure being undertaken - and most definitely not under a local anaesthetic...
So I got out of bed and emailed Leanne Laycock (the main Urology nurse) - telling her that I found 'the idea of such a biopsy to be very unappealing indeed if undertaken under a local anaesthetic, rather than a general anaesthetic. To the extent that i would simply prefer not to have such a biopsy if a local anaesthetic is the only option' - and then went on to say that the consulting doctor 'mentioned having a needle passed through my stomach and injected directly into my prostate. This also is a very unappealing prospect to me. So i was wondering if such a procedure could be undertaken whilst having my planned double hernia operation, instead (once again, under general anaesthetic, rather than local anaesthetic) …
...I then returned to my bed - and upon starting my day checked my emails - to which Leanne confirmed that such an initial email had been forwarded to the consulting doctor...
...And then, later inth day, I wondered whether the planned prostate biopsy could also be undertaken during my planned hernia operation also - as a sort of 3-in-1 operation, if you will - so further emailed this possibility to Leanne also...
...Anyway, later that day, I simply received an email telling me to go check 'MyMFT', as there was a new message for me - and, having then done so, I found that a biopsy appointment had been arranged for me at another hospital on 13 May 2026 - and then, a few days later, I was similarly informed that a Radiology appointment had also been arranged for 4 May...
...So, anyway, yesterday I simply cancelled both such appointments - and this morning I made the decision to not take any more of the daily Bicalutamide tablets, whose function, I found out, was not just to possibly reduce the size of my prostate, but to inhibit the further growth of the small cancer nodes that the CT scan had detected around various parts of my body - deciding instead to simply accept my fate and let nature take its seemingly rather inevitable course...
...The truth being that I welcome returning Home - sooner, rather than later, actually - and that I had previously determined (2 or more years earlier) that 72 years would seem to be a rather ideal time to do so (7 + 2 = 9, which, numeralogically can be seen as the number of completion btw) …
...And, truth be told, I simply wish to pass over to the other side of Life in as dignified / least undignified way as possible - a seemingly similar mindset/determination to my dad, who also passed with cancer, actually - and who, similarly, simply elected to let nature take its course...
So, what has this all got to do with 'previous life trauma', you may quite understandably ask...
Well, obviously I pondered upon why I seemed to have such an aversion to such a variety of medical proceedures being undertaken...
With my mind going back to a 'dream' remembrance I had many years ago (possibly inth middle/later 80's) …
...With such a 'dream' seemingly indicating that I had been secured to a flat metal trolley 'bed' (hence my claustrophobic tendancies perhaps) - with numerous plastic(???) tubes being inserted/attached to various parts of my body - and greenish fluid seemingly flowing though such tubing...
...And with further pondering producing remembrances of a number of conscious occasions of seemingly heightened and highly unwelcomed experiences within earlier parts of my life...
...The first having taken place whilst at the cinema with my first 'real' girlfriend, Marga Clegg - where we had gone to see a film (at Marga's request) called 'Devils' or some such name - during which I suddenly felt the rather urgent need to make an excuse to visit the toilet before I fainted...
...And the second such similar experience being whist watching 'One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest' sometime after it had first been released, strangely enough - a film that I more recently watched without any such problems actually - in fact twas a film that I then found to be somewhat amusing actually...
...And the third such similar experience having taken place as I was working on my then MGB GT inth garage - upon which a male neighbour came over for a rather congenial chat - well, congenial until he started explaining that he periodically had to lay down with his legs elevated in order to allow the accumulated fluids in his legs to flow inth opposite direction (upon which I felt the rather urgent need to return to my then flat before fainting and feeling the need to vomit once again) …
...And then, finally, there was the occasion during Buddhist meditation classes, where I felt that something was seemingly rather insistently wishing to arise into my conscious mind from my unconscious mind - with me simply feeling completely unready for such a 'healing'/revealing process to take place - resulting in me electing to no longer attend such Buddhist meditation classes/visits until such energies had well and truly subsided (something that repeated itself, to a lesser extent/intensity, on two further occasions, if my memory serves me correctly)...
So, do such remembered experiences categorically prove that I was perhaps experimented on during a previous life, you may wonder...
...Well of course not, I would most readily reply - however, they can indeed be seen to be indicative, can they not - these things don't just happen randomly, by mere chance, after all, I would very much suggest...
So, hence my aversion to being 'experimented' upon once again, during this particular life/incarnation - even though tis obviously through the best 'life/incarnational extending' intentions of the medical profession - but, hey, from my particular perspective, such a possible medical prolonging of my current incarnation is simply not welcomed...