2025
Having completed the upper sixth year at Yew Tree High School, i left having attained 5 'o' levels or equivalent...
I had absolutely no idea about working life other than the work my dad had and was doing - there were no trips out to working environments whilst at school in order to give us all a taster of what working life might entail - so, for me, it was simply another, mainly unknown, world we all moved into...
...Although i had worked part-time at weekends as a cashier at two petrol stations - as well as working at a car repairs garage with Dave Knowland during a summer's holidays, replacing brake linings, and cleaning up old starter motors and replacing the bushes - plus doing a bit of bar work at Didsbury Golf Club whenever needed...
So The Manchester Evening News became my point of focus in such a respect - but not the mass of little ads, which seemed rather boring and inconsequential/nondescript - but the larger, more interesting looking career ones...
...With one advertising for a Trainee Work Study Officer grabbing my attention - even though i had absolutely no idea what such a job title was/entailed - twas simply that such an advert was presented in an appealing way...
...So apply i did - an application that resulted in an interview - so attend it i did...
...An interview with my prospective boss and the Personnel Officer - an interview that seemed to go well - and an interview that i was told that i would be told the result of after other candidates had been similarly interviewed...
...So off i walked, back towards the security guarded main gates, only to be told that i was to return to the interview room - upon which i was told that they had decided to offer me the job there and then - an offer that i accepted...
...And that was it - something that very much seemed to please my mother - and something that left me with a feeling of uplifted wonderment...
The very first thing i was taught to do was to use a slide rule - something i had never seen in my life before - but something that i got the hang of very quickly...
...Twas needed in order to calculate bonus earnings - and there were many different bonus schemes - and i needed to learn all of them, in order to cover for other departmental employees holidays/sickness, as well as to calculate the bonuses for the departments assigned to me...
And then there was the day release in order to eventually become a graduate member of the Institute Of Work Study Practitioners (IWSP) - a title that changed to become the Institute of Practitioners in Work Study Organisation and Methods (IWSOM) - and later still, to the Institute of Management Services (IMS), if my memory serves me correctly...
At the end of the first year of such a day release course i decided that it wasn't challenging enough, so decided to sign up for an ONC in Business Studies as well - so for the next two years i continued attending the weekly day release course, as well as attending three evenings a week to study Business Studies - all of which were passed after a resit of the IWSOM practical exam...
...In addition to which i decided to do 3 extra 'o' levels also - namely, Economics, Book-Keeping and Accounting, and The General Principals of English Law (or some similar title) - all three subjects were part of the ONC Business Studies course, so i thought, why not, as you do, obviously...
...I did manage to get the dates for the Industrial Relations and Business Organisation exams mixed up though - but they were waffley subjects that i decided simply required the writing of plenty of words in order to pass - the same mentality that i also successfully applied to 'o' level Economics btw...
I had intended to study for some Institute of Accounting exams after that - however, the exemption from the first year for those who had an ONC in Business Studies was withdrawn, so, with a certain reluctance, i decided against it - opting to take a HNC in Computer Studies instead...
...A course that i released myself from due to the turmoil caused due to my parents losing their job and the family splitting up - although i did manage to get a certificate in Cobol Programming along the way - whether at that particular time, or sometime later...
So along the way i went from being a trainee work study officer, to a work study officer, to a senior work study officer...
...Tis surprising how you can apply yourself academically, once you know how it all fits in with working life, isn't it...
The slide rule actually became redundant once a Commodore Pet, phosphorescent-green-screen calculator was purchased - and, in turn, this became redundant once a programmable calculator was later purchased also - as did the latter, once a Commodore Pet personal computer was later purchased also (or at least i think that's what it was) ...
Surprisingly, perhaps, i actually took to programming like a duck to water - twas something that fascinated me - so produce regular/monthly(???) management production reports, onth programmable calculator, i did...
...As well as later computerising all the bonus calculations onth Commodore Pet, of course...
The purchasing of said programmable calculator was rather interesting - for the salesman was later adjudged by my very competent boss, Arthur, to have considerably over-charged us - resulting in me being instructed to send out memos of warning to two other Bowater plants...
...Something that said salesman somehow got wind of - resulting in him turning up one day whilst Arthur was on holidays - with him insisting that we had a meeting with the commercial manager specifically, strangely enough...
...So, being somewhat untrusting of said commercial manager, i managed to get the personnel manager to sit in, instead - which then resulted in said salesman lying to me as i was sat behind Arthur's desk, within his office, resulting in me simply staring at him fixedly in silent reply...
...A prolonged stare that resulted in said salesman asking whether i had heard what he had said - a question that i replied to by saying, 'i heard exactly what you said' - a reply that caused said personnel manager to jump out of his seat and announce said meeting to be over...
...With said salesman then rather inexplicably offering to shake my hand - to which i most obviously, and silently, declined - i had been out to lunch with both himself and the assistant purchasing manager previously, and had taken a distinct dislike to him, due to his rather arrogant, insulting-of-intelligence, and over-confident attitude...
...This all resulted in said commercial manager coming to the attention of said personnel manager, resulting in him being rather promptly dismissed btw - apparently he was deemed to have been 'empire building' - an outcome that may have happened to me, in a completely unjustified way, had he attended such a meeting instead of the personnel manager, one supposes...
...Anyway, the upside was that i attended a week-long course at the Cranfield School of Management, whereby i was awarded a 'Bowater Introduction To Management' certificate - silver linings eh - cheers said salesman :-) :-) :-) ...
The purchasing of the Commodore Pet personal computer was rather interesting also - for i learned to programme it faster than the co-owner of a small two-man business could have learned all of the very many different bonus calculations - resulting in him offering me a job as a potential junior partner, at exactly the same salary as i was then currently earning...
...Twas an offer that i turned down, as i didn't really have much faith in him - even though he seemingly went to efforts to indirectly assure me that he would always be able to generate/attract business due to him being a member of the Masonic Lodge - and the fact that he didn't offer me any more than i was then currently earning didn't do him any favours also...
...Although he was obviously simply wishing to make a point in such a respect...
Sometime before that, Arthur was side-lined to work exclusively on projects btw - so was replaced by someone else - a someone else that also offered me a job within a chemicals/pharmaceutical company that he had secured a new position with - but i didn't have a great deal of faith in him also, so declined his offer to join him at such a chemicals/pharmaceutical company...
...With his leaving resulting in the very competent Arthur becoming our departmental boss once again - he had essentially been stitched-up by a leaving department employee, who sent out a nasty, and completely unnecessary memo to someone in particular - a memo that i tried to retrieve once i heard about about it from said employee, but it was simply too late...
Arthur actually gave me projects of my own to work on - the first being the appraising and selecting of a mechanised shop floor sweeper - and the second being the designing of a specialised ad hoc roller conveyor...
...The first very much pleased the rather lowly manual floor sweeper, who not only got a pay rise, but increased his status within the eyes of both himself and others also...
...And the second seemingly very much impressed the production manager, who praised me - his son was studying engineering at university and used to be employed within the engineering department during university holiday periods - but unfortunately, being the no-nonsense production manager's son, didn't make him the most popular guy onth shop floor...
...Oh, and there was another project that i was given that resulted in me being part of a team that spent a week at another factory, testing out / appraising/monitoring a prospective new machine to see if it was worth purchasing it, and subsequently writing up a report (something that i was also naturally inclined towards) - resulting in us declining, as it happened - possibly unreasonably actually, as the corrugated boards Bowater's sent were rather warped, so not really representative of the ones generally used...
There were three unions operating within Bowater Flexible Packaging - the NGA (a very powerful printers union), the NATSOPA, and SOGAT unions - and i was involved with the negotiations of new bonus schemes for two new machines that i had worked on, so was invited into the executive dining room on one occasion during the time that the NGA negotiations were taking place, specifically...
I had applied for, and got offered, two different jobs along the way - offered increases in salary that were matched - resulting in me opting to stay at Bowater's...
...And then i was told by Arthur that if i did the same thing again any offered salary increases would no longer be matched - so when i saw a very alluring advertisement for the position of 'Industrial Engineer' (an Americanism) within the management services department of Colgate-Palmolive i knew that, if successful, i would be moving to pastures new - and so i did, even though i had earlier been offered the job of Quality Control Manager (strangely enough) within Bowater's Drum division at Disley...
Bowater's had recently lost the contract of producing the packaging for Kellogg's, who had decided to take it all in-house - indeed selected Bowater printers had in actual fact helped train their Kellogg's counter-parts - i think it was in exchange for a limited continuation of work from Kellogg's, in the short term...
Years later i was told that the Burnage based Bowater Flexible Packaging had closed down sometime after i had left...
...Twas a company that i did well at - mainly because of my attitude that work was for working - resulting in me being a rather productive, diligent, and rather serious-minded employee...
...And twas a company that i very much enjoyed working at - mainly because there were always new and interesting challenges - and very much helped by the fact that my immediate boss, Arthur, was a very competent and agreeable person to work for...
Before moving on, i guess i should mention the three outings that i can remember...
One was a weekend spent in Blackpool at the Grand Hotel - we were put in groups of about five people per team - and we played about five rounds of a company strategy game, with each round representing a year i think...
...None of the other members of our group were naturally inclined towards such a game - resulting in me becoming the de facto team leader - twas a game whereby we finished second, whereby we were each rewarded with a bottle of scotch whiskey...
...Afterwards, there was a sort of formal meeting, whereby the two male facilitators asked us all a series of business-related questions - in the event i was the one who correctly answered the vast majority of them, before purposely waiting for others to do so - twasn't because i was super-smart or anything like that, but more so because of all the studying i had recently done...
The second was a golf outing at Withington Golf Club, whereby i was part of a four-ball that included the new managing director - he had replaced the previous one who had been an air-force rear-gunner in WWII - i think he had taken an interest in me (as had his newly appointed attractive young upper-class secretary, strangely enough) and wished to check me out socially...
And the third was another golf outing, at Mere Country Club - i remember at around the half-way mark, a guy called Peter, who also worked in our office, saying 'i think you might be in with a chance of winning this' - a seemingly purposeful remark that did indeed put me off, as i was simply enjoying such an occasion, with no thoughts whatsoever of 'competing'...
During my interview at Colgate-Palmolive my to-become-boss mentioned 'vertical retrograde inverse investment' - something that flew right over my head - well, until later, whilst i was being given a tour of the factory by the Personnel Dept number two co-interviewer, whereby i simply asked him what such a phrase meant...
At the start of the first day i was put into a room with two other first-dayers - both were called John, and both were fresh out of university - 'Catholic John' had studied Economics, and 'Cambridge John' had studied history and classics, i think...
...With 'Cambridge John' telling us how much his starting salary was, as well as informing us that he was told that Cambridge students comprised the top two percent (i think it was two percent, anyway) in the country, intelligence-wise - i decided that it was possibly unwise of me to say how much my starting salary was, as it was quite considerably more (by thousands) - and quite rightly so, for although i hadn't been a university student, i had amassed considerable experience within industry by that time, and was appropriately qualified to do the job i had been hired to do...
Later being shown into the office i was to work in, i realised why i had not been shown it before - for it was like a classroom, with two long rows of desks, with a walkway in-between - and a secretary at the front, and Ben's office beyond that...
Another thing i quickly learned was that there was a Projects Department - twas part of the Engineering Dept - so there were seemingly no projects for me to work on, and associated reports to write up...
...So it basically turned out to be a well-paid, boring/unchallenging job - and i think everyone apart from myself had been to university - one of whom (Dr John) had a PhD in nuclear physics...
At the end of the first financial year, where everyone was busy, Ben (our boss) asked me in front of all the others why i was the only one who didn't look stressed - to which i replied, 'maybe it's because i play a lot of squash' - how to embarrass someone publicly eh...
Unlike Bowater's they had no bonus systems - so a lot of the time was spent inth office - working on Excel spreadsheets for example, once they bought some Commodore Pets (one of which was linked to the main-frame computer) ...
I was assigned the toothpaste and diaper departments to oversee within respect to provided management services...
I remember being called down to the toothpaste department by its manager (another John) to look at a newly installed production line - the see-through tube hopper kept clogging up - so after looking at it in operation for a period of time i called John out and explained to him that the sides of the hopper were too steep, and that this was what i thought was causing the problem...
...This resulted in the engineers modifying it by reducing the angle of the sides - and low and behold it started working with much less production line stoppages - an intuitive result...
...And on another occasion i was called down to monitor a really old production line within the same department - on this occasion every time it stopped (which was very frequently) the female line operator called for an engineer to basically tighten loosened nuts, repeatedly - which resulted in me writing a report whereby i recommended 'planned maintenance' being put into practise...
...A recommendation that was quietly put aside until a later date, whereby someone higher up could take the credit...
...And on another occasion, after monitoring a diaper production line, two people per line per shift were saved - and there were four production lines working treble shifts, so the savings were well in excess of £100,000 per year - not that i could claim such an idea as being mine though, as someone else had pointed it out as we had been walking round said department together...
...Twas simply that i was assigned to oversee such a department, within such a respect...
The guy that was running the diaper department had a PhD in chemistry - he had previously worked in the Research and Development Department, if my memory serves me correctly - and he seemingly didn't take kindly to personnel savings being made, and efficiency measures being introduced (i guess he thought it lessened his power base in some way) ...
...What an incredibly miserable, nasty, and unlikeable person he was - someone who was later promoted to the position of production manager for the whole plant - and someone who was later fired (very shortly after i was made 'redundant' actually) ...
...He decided to exert his authority by giving me two shitty ( slj's as people used to call them) projects to do - the first being to monitor a diaper materials machine that made such a repeated loud noise that ear defenders had to be worn (and even then you could feel the sound waves travelling through your skull basically) - and the second whereby i was required to monitor a liquids making/blending set-up...
...Both of which were not open to efficiency/productivity savings - i guess i could have done a feasibility study initially - however, i was under instructions from Ben...
At some point in time we all moved to a much larger open-plan office - twas when the two Commodore Pets were installed - so at least it felt like a better place to work...
Twas there that i wrote a short and very basic inventory control-type program for Dr John - the fourth John inth office - Dr John, Cambridge John, Catholic John, and Intuitive John...
...I remember Catholic John coming out of Ben's office one day, saying 'you won't believe what Ben has just said' - apparently it was 'don't confuse things with facts' - something that prompted him to transfer to the packaging department soon afterwards...
...With Intuitive John leaving soon afterwards also - his brother-in-law owned a small commercial accounting company and had invited John to join him as a junior partner - which necessitated him studying for the Institute of Commercial Accounting (or some such name) examinations...
...He was a really nice quiet guy who seemed to enjoy working with numbers - and he was naturally intelligent - so i knew that such a fundamental career change would work out fine for him...
...i remember when a rather attitudinal female university student inexplicitly called him a 'little toad' one day, as she was stood in front of his desk - resulting in the rather atypical and impressively fast retort of 'and you're a fat rat', resulting in her slinking silently back to her desk - John had simply given her some of his work to do, and seemingly she didn't appreciate it...
...But boy did it surprise me - she for saying such a thing in the first place - and John for his atypical, straight-from-the-hip, near-instant stinging reply...
I think it was fairly shortly after i had started at Colgate's that i was asked to do a monthly check on the line speeds within the soap making department - twas a job that 'devoutly Christian Christian' used to do during the summer recess from university - a really nice and respectable young man...
...Anyway, i decided that it would be polite to introduce myself to the departmental manager before timing such production lines - so entered his office, whereby he had his feet onth desk, holding court inth company of his two supervisors - upon which he instructed me to report back to him in order to 'negotiate' such timed line speeds...
...Twas something that simply didn't go down well with me - resulting in me going straight back to the office after timing said line speeds and sending him a memo (with copies to the managing director, my boss, and the manager of the engineering department) stating that such line speeds were simply not open to 'negotiation' - which, in turn, resulted (quite correctly in my opinion) in him being moved out of the soap-making department, and (rather inexplicably) into ours...
...I think he had met his wife whilst at university - i later got the impression that she was a bit of a go-getter (ambitious) - and that she would eventually ditch him...
...And i think that, overall, he possibly welcomed such a move - even though i later found out that he held a grudge against me - rather than taking responsibility for his own unacceptable actions...
He seemed to resent Cambridge John - and seemed to revel in a mistake that John had made in respect to ordering far too many, hardly used items whilst working inth purchasing department - a mistake that i later realised was really the fault of the personnel department for assigning him to the purchasing department before being assigned to the stores department, as an overall part of his ongoing management training...
...The result being that the discount offered for the purchase of so many hardly used items was far outweighed by the costs of storing them...
Said Cambridge John had been sent on a management training course whereby he had been seemingly taught to raise his chair, whilst lowering the one on the opposite side of his desk, in order to better impose himself on others...
...With 'hardly a Ray of Light' doing the opposite, once he realised that one of his former supervisors was due to sit inth seat opposite Cambridge John's...
Then came the phone pranks of course - whereby 'hardly a Ray of Light' put an eraser underneath John's phone cradle - resulting in him not receiving any calls until he twigged what was going on...
...And then there was the unscrewing of said phone's ear-piece cover in order to put some cellotape over the hearing holes before replacing said cover - twas actually something that i found myself getting drawn into - and then, after a while we removed said cellotape and did the same thing to the mouth piece...
...The things that you can find yourself getting drawn in to when boredom beckons eh - twas actually very funny firstly watching John finding it difficult to hear - and then, later, finding himself difficult to be heard...
...We actually removed said cellotape shortly afterwards, if my memory serves me correctly...
And talking of jolly japes, another, more senior, office member managed to snag himself a brand new 'executive' calculator, before going on holiday - an occasion whereby Intuitive John decided that it would be a good idea to swap some of the keys around - and yes, i swallowed the bait also, whereby we simply swapped the plus and minus keys around...
...Bad idea really - for upon Rotary Club Norman's return, and once he realised that something was not quite right, he called the company rep out, in order to either fix said 'executive' calculator or replace it - a meeting that took place in Ben's office btw...
Norman actually provided the impetus for Intuitive John and myself to devise our different escape plans - for we both saw him come into the office one Monday in such a pitiful way - a way that caused us both to think 'is this what it is going to be like for us if we stay, upon reaching his age, also'...
...The poor guy was bored senseless - probably under-worked and dreading coming in to work day after day until retirement beckoned - and feeling that he was too old to secure another job for himself, especially at such a salary (he had apparently been plant manager at one time) ...
So i wrote a software exchange program, and 'hardly a Ray of Light' decided that he would be ideally suited to become a politician - resulting in him returning to work each Monday with some impressive new words to bandy about - for he had decided to stand as an independent inth local elections where he and his wife lived...
...Resulting in both of us going to a local printing firm one lunch time - with me having designed a free-hand advert that i wished to be put in a popular computer magazine - and 'hardly a Ray of Light' wishing letter-box-brochures to be produced for him to circulate...
...In the event my attempt fell flat, due to bad timing more than anything, i think - and 'hardly a Ray of Light's efforts resulting in him losing his deposit - i can only imagine that ordinary people possibly couldn't understand a word he said, when presumably showering them, so liberally, with such impressive words (the art of ineffective, rather than effective, communication eh) ...
So why do i refer to him as 'hardly a Ray of Light', the reader of these words may quite understandably enquire...
...Well he used to make 'friends' with people in other departments in order to get information from them - namely the computer department - and also the personnel department...
...Which resulted in him finding out how much i was earning - as well as certain outgoings - such as a loan i took out with a finance company, specifically in order to up my credit rating in order to be better positioned for starting my own company...
...Information that he then used to stir things up amongst others working within our office - information that possibly resulted in said others getting greater than a normal annual pay rise - whilst i received no annual pay rise for the first time ever...
...Something that i chose not to let bother me, as i was planning to leave, hopefully in the then near future, so it didn't really matter...
...And something that very possibly resulted/contributed in me being made 'redundant', and my position within the company being deemed 'untenable' - very possibly due to it being said, incorrectly, that it was i who announced my salary to others, rather than the very much suspected 'hardly a Ray of Light'...
Colgate's actually closed down some years after my departure, at the cost of many jobs - an outcome that was not helped by sending favourable monthly info/stats to head office in America (and thereby making it more difficult to justify the purchase of new machinery), whilst keeping the real stats comparatively hidden onth main-frame - well, according to 'hardly a Ray of Light', anyway...
...Harbouring grudges, resentment, and karma eh - twill be interesting to Know how his life panned out - once we both return Home eh...
...And was my 'redundancy' karmic, you may ask...
...Well, six months before, i had been sat in my car, on my way to work, listening to Radio Piccadilly whilst stuck in slow-moving traffic, whereby the DJ was telling us all how much per hour/minute certain very well-known celebrities were earning - something that made me realise that if i was to double my salary (due to promotion) i would be living an increasingly stressed life with increased outgoings to repay and taking holidays simply to de-stress, rather than for enjoyment - something that made me realise very clearly that such working lifestyles truly comprised a 'rat race'...
...A situation that later made me think, 'there must be more to life than this, surely' - a question that proved itself to be very true - however, it wasn't self-employment, as i had thought...
So, what else happened whilst working at Colgate's???...
...Well i went on another of those management training courses for a week...
...And some consultants from a different company came to Colgate's - they had a main-frame computer programme that they could adjust in a bespoke way, in order for individual production lines to run more efficiently - simply by optimising the positions of certain sensors, and installing an overflow table that would effectively keep the line running in the event of small stoppages, basically...
I found myself to be reading their colourful shiny brochure one lunch-time - and i decided that a universal program could be written on a personal computer - something that resulted in me attending a 6502 machine code evening programming course for six months, as well as purchasing a Commodore Pet, dual disk drive, and printer...
...A program that i succeeded in writing - and a programme that required me to purchase some EPROMS and an EPROM burner in order to get it all to fit on said personal computer - a program that i named PLS (Production Line Simulation) ...
...However, twas something that was ahead of its time really - for i could only get it to run (crunch data) at the same speed as production lines generally ran - whereas it really needed to run at about eight times the speed of an average production line in order to make it truly viable...
...Sixteen bit personal computers began to emerge soon after - however, i had simply ran out of steam - with the thoughts of learning to program in sixteen bit machine code, and to essentially rewrite the whole thing from scratch simply turned out to be deemed a bridge too far...
...And, apart from that, i was later to realise that being a businessman was not something i was suited to - too much stress - and seemingly not the path i was destined to tread...
...So put it aside i did - deciding that writing games/drawing programs was a better option - but those efforts didn't work out either...
...Making me realise that nothing was working out for me any more - whereas, before, during my employed life, very much everything fell into place - destiny seemingly had other things in store for me...
There were a couple of other 'highlights' whilst working for Colgate's though...
The first involved Ben borrowing a programmable four-colour graph plotter from the R & D department - a job that he didn't originally assign to me actually, well, not until the person assigned couldn't program it - and then it was assigned to me...
...It came with a security dongle that plugged into one of the cassette recorder ports - a dongle that i realised could be easily by-passed, if you knew machine code - so by-pass it i did, simply by not telling the program to go check that said dongle was in-situ before executing said program...
...Twas something that made it worthwhile to go into work for - for a time, at least - and a new toy that i enjoyed playing with...
The second involved a job that was assigned to 'hardly a Ray of Light' and the person who was originally given said graph-plotter to program - it involved slightly rewriting main-frame BASIC programs into Commodore Pet BASIC programs - and the program that they were attempting to modify kept giving them an error of one...
...A recurring error that, as a machine code programmer, i very quickly understood the reason for - however, 'hardly a Ray of Light', in particular, didn't wish me to provide the answer - electing to try to solve it themselves, instead...
...So that was on Monday - and come Friday afternoon they had become so frustrated with it all that they were all too ready to receive the answer/solution to - twas simply that one computer incremented going into the for-next loop, whilst the other incremented going out of said for-next loop (if my memory serves me correctly, anyway) ...
...Twas something that brought a big shared smile to both my and the rather attractive bi-lingual office secretary's face...
...Twas simply 'hardly a Ray of Light's' pride that wouldn't allow him to readily ask for the solution - and something that i think irked him further - grudges and resentment, eh...
And i think that's about it, folks...
...Although i could also mention office secretary Catherine's leaving do, i guess - and the sexy underwear that 'hardly a Ray of Light' and myself went to buy for her, as an office leaving present - and the completely unexpected big long hug she gave me, just as i was about to leave for the day/week :-) :-) :-) ...
https://www.ourquantumparticulates.org/videos/the-working-years